Vanishing Act 2013-2019

I have been trying to tune up and revitalize this blog and make it my main outlet for "creative life" postings.  Sure, I also find weird science and anti-pseudoscience bits here and there, so there will be some randomness.  But theis huge gap still should be explained ...

Things got very chaotic after my Mom died (2007) and Dad died (2010).  My marriage went down in flames, so by Sep 2013 I gave up the house and was on my own in a new apartment.  

But you know what, the new start was really invigorating.  I heard that there was live music, and there was nobody in my face telling me I can't go, so for the next year or two, I was out seeing live music 3 or 4 nights a week.  For a while, there was an unofficial fan group who showed up together as much as possible, where Shelly Hess would take photos of the events and I would post reviews. 

I started getting out and trying to play music myself.  There was nobody in my face telling me I can't go.  I even got a new acoustic guitar.  There was a long-running gag where, at first, the guitar had no name, then I officially named it "Shelly Says I Should Give You a Name", then I just gave it and called it "Shelley."  After the classic poet, of course.

On March 18, the divorce was final.  The very next night I played a few songs live at Rebecca's in North Park with Donna Larsen.

I met a great group of local local performers, not just San Diego area, where every show is an hour round trip.  These are the guys who are always just a few miles up the road.  For a while, Jackson Patrick ran an open mic at the Cambridge Inn in Vista, CA every Monday.  And I was always there, playing new songs.  I was so out of practice, so rusty, but he gave me a shot and I did my best.  My guitar playing was always fine, it was just my voice that never felt right, and eye problems and anxiety problems, but it was a great opportunity.  

We had a gig there the night Robin Williams died, which was a unique experience about exactly how performers function in society.  We did our best to be extra light and welcoming that night.  I learned so much from Jackson, and still see him whenever I can get away.  When Jack Bruce died, we did a set where I played the bass part for "Sunshine of Your Love".  On a memorial day, I played "Maggie's Farm" at the Poway Library, thanks to Ross Moore for setting it up.

I still did some writing, with a routine of bringing scrap paper to most of these shows, and writing poetry while the music and action was happening.  It was funny how things blur together in that environment, and the lady in red or the bright light beyond the window would turn into elements of sci-fi and fantasy pieces.  I just didn't submit them anywhere or do anything related to a writing career because I was doing music during those years.

I also spent a lot of time dating.  I had relationships that lasted 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months, 3 years, then 3 months, then nothing for a while.  Then when I was giving up I met Anne, who is the best companion and adventurer.  Then COVID hit.  We got through and still do everything together.

All these relationships really showed what a difference it makes if your significant other supports what you do or not.  The 3 week lady was a local jazz singer, we even sang a set at the Cambridge one night, then we had to go separate ways.  The 3 month lady was 50 miles away and jealous of everything, always accusing me of sneaking around during the week ... so, that had to stop, and only seeing someone on the weekends was no good.  The 3 year lady thought that if I had time to do gaming or writing or music, I must not be working hard enough at my "real job".  Damn.

But Anne lets me be me.  So, I was able to come back and start trying to be creative again.

I know you're not supposed to let people get to you, but really, I spent my whole life with nobody supporting what I do, or even interested in it, or directly opposed to it.  And I did as much as I could in the hours available, usually after 10pm when there was nobody to say no.  

I also fell into the rut of sitting on my ass watching YouTube.  There is so much great content these days, but really, you have to be in control.  I am trying to get back to where the hours after 9pm are for creative projects, whatever they may turn out to be.